apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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