another moral hangover. fuck.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
