I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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