as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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