the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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