took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
