I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
