You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
