good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
