you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
