if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
