if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So much rum. So many feels.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
