I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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