No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
