Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
