I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
