i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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