So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
