I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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