Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
