You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
