her vagine was all disorganized.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
