also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
