Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
