I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
