How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
