i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
