dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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