All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
