You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
