I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
