just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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