I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I puked a lego.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
