what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
