I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize