distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
