Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
