Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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