I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
