Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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