im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
