Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
