OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
