In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
