Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
