i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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