Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
