Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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