Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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