Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
