Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
