The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
