Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
