Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
