We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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